Thursday, November 11, 2010

My First Book

Marriage is hard work. So many people told me that before I got married. I honestly had no idea. My (naive) reply was, "well, we really love each other."

Jeremy and I received premarital counseling by the minister who married us. Looking back there is one major issue that was not addressed during this time... How to Share a Bed with Your Significant Other. Wow, talk about a major issue faced by couples around the world!

There are so many conflicts that arise from sharing a bed. This is exactly what I mean when I say I am still learning to coexist with my other half. For nineteen years I slept in a bed by myself. It was twenty years for Jeremy, then one day, we say I do and everything changes. How can two individuals make such a dramatic change work?!

Jeremy prefers the temperature to be below freezing and I have to admit that I am not a fan of frostbite. During our first fall together as a married couple, I had a small space heater on my side of the bed and he had a small fan on his side. Counterproductive, maybe. I'd like to think we were just compromising.

I just can't understand why someone that feels the need to keep the temperature setting so low also feels the need to hog the blanket! Yes, most nights I awake to find that my share of our blanket has disappeared and I am left to tolerate the cold on my own.

I will never forget the first time this happened. I was shivering to death as I tapped Jeremy on the shoulder and sweetly whispered, "I'm c-c-c-c-cold. Can I have some covers?" My dear husband was more than willing to comply. Tragically, the moment I sat up to help myself to the blanket, he powerfully threw his arm back to cover me back up. The result was his fist very suddenly meeting my face.

Now, I know this was an accident and Jeremy apologized sincerely. This could have been avoided had we known beforehand the difficulties of sharing a bed. I am certainly no marriage expert but I'd love to see someone tackle this pressing topic. In my spare time (lol, like that exists) I'll be writing my first book appropriately titled, How to Share a Bed with Your Significant Other. I'll be addressing key complaints such as...

"My husband snores too loud!"

"Help, my wife is torturing me with her ice cold feet."

"My significant other won't stop passing gas in the middle of the night!"
"My wife's hairy legs feel like a cactus."

"I can't stand my spouse's terrible morning breath!"

"My husband could fillet a fish with those toenails!"

For now, I'd love to hear your bedtime complaints as well as any advice you may have to offer!


  1. Help! My husband walks around outside without shoes and then gets in bed with dirty feet!

  2. I totally feel you with the artic temps. Donovan loves it to be freezing!! He always asks to keep the windows open at night...especially when it is subdegree temps! He is quite the cover hog also! Throw a three year old into the mix who hates to be covered up no matter how freezing he is and you've got me-I have about 4 inches of the mattress when I wake up and no covers!

  3. Jeff and I have never shared covers! He feels the same as Jeremy when it comes to temperature. So I have my huge comforter and he has his light blanket. Sometimes just a sheet. Luckily he has broad shoulders I can shelter myself from the fan with.

  4. Well, don't even get me started. Hubby loves to cuddle and touch and spoon, etc. I chase kids all day, do a million things around the house, serve and clean up after 3 the time I get to bed..I WANT TO SLEEP! That is our biggest argument.

  5. Have you ever seen that IHOP commercial for stuffed crepes where the guy rolls down the stairs wrapped up in his comforter? I know, weird reference... My biggest complaint is that my husband rolls over the covers and pulls them off of me. When I tug at them, he always wakes up fussing that I am stealing the covers. My other complaint is his ass can be in the middle of the bed and his toes can be on the edge. If he can "feel" the edge that means I'm hogging the bed.
    Now he's in Afghanistan so I wish I could share the bed with him. :(

  6. I completely agree as he has to have it freezing, with the ceiling fan on as well as a box fan on. Then he rolls over and doesn't bother to keep me warm as well as taking the covers so I am cold. Some nights he wakes to find me in a hoodie sweater and thick flannel pj pants. NO WONDER HONEY!!!
    I love all your topics as the "man" stuff applies to my husband.
    Another is: Help, my husband rolls so far over on my side of the bed, if I move I will fall off the bed.

  7. This is a hilarious post. This is our constant gripe that we share with ANYONE who will listen - we BOTH swear the other one is "taking over the bed." my husband also would like to have his own blanket because he has some bizarre habit of wrapping his blanket in between and around his legs! Every morning when we wake up it looks like there was some sort of tornado in our bed!!

    I also like the weight of multiple blankets when I go to bed while my husband thinks he can train me to sleep with ONLY A SHEET all year round! He claims it is all I should ever need!! Hilarious!!

    I was happy to read I was not the only one who inadvertently got punched in the face in the night, but I also got bizarrely pinned down the other night by my husband's shoulder. I was so sleepy I had no idea what was wrong with me or why I couldn't move.

    Finally, luckily I don't have this problem, but I saw that you have the "passing gas" problem identified - have you heard of the marriage saving blanket? I absolutely thought this was a joke when I first saw it, but it is completely legitimate. I am having issues posting a link here, but just check out YouTube for the commercial!

  8. "I'm not a fan of frostbite" lol! That made me chuckle.

  9. We've been married 33 years and my main complaint has ALWAYS been - when we go to bed, why is he asleep within 30 seconds of his head hitting the pillow and I lay there for 2, 3, 4 hours or more listening to him snore or, at the very least, having to listen to him serenade me with that very annoying deep sleep breathing sound? You know the one.


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